One of the things I imagined I wanted to happen when I booked to stay 3 months in Morocco, with a month to start with in Marrakech, was I'd have time to write and kickstart my wellness routine again.
I dreamed of using all this new time and energy to work on the outline of my manuscript, and Wild Women Do Stationery I've been visioning for way too long.
I felt relieved I'd have the space to write every day, to journal, to write poems, and develop ideas for the fiction novel that's buzzing in my head.
I was determined, that with all this free time, I'd be waking early, completing the "Writing Warrior" exercises, and stretching into yoga poses my body is long overdue.
I'd also have the fresh space to create a new routine for myself, that was healthier than before.
The reality is, I've done only a few of those things, some of the time.
What I've learned, is yes, I had the luxury of time, space and eventually renewed energy, but I just needed time to get to know myself again, without agenda attached to it.
Creativity, productivity and even renewed wellness, at first needs you to rest, to stop doing what you've done before that wasn't working well for you, and rediscover yourself first.
Through juggling a busy business, taking care of my clients, striving to overcome some painful challenges in my relationship and home life, I'd lost sight of who I really am.
I had forgotten who I was underneath the titles. Strip away 'Coach', 'Writer', 'Educator', 'Consultant', 'Girlfriend', 'Partner', 'Sister', 'Auntie', 'Daughter'.
Who is that version of Wild Woman at my core?
But even remove that label, who do I feel myself to be and who would I like to be more of?
That is what I really needed time here in Marrakech to feel.
All that planning to do my creative writing, wellness practice, and creative retreat planning – it needed to wait.
I may love all of those things, but I needed to rediscover and love myself more again first.
I needed to remember who I really am underneath it all.
Thankfully, I'm getting very clear who that woman is I want to show up as; the woman I always knew myself to be, whenever I let her free.