Why Guilt & Relaxation Don't Mix Plus 5 Questions to Aid Relaxation This Week

Image: Marie Milligan Relaxing at El Fenn, Marrakech

Image: Marie Milligan Relaxing at El Fenn, Marrakech

To all those women spinning – multi-roles, multi-tasks, multi-stresses, and perhaps missing the times you felt able to relax and multi-orgasm – what it would feel like to let your plates drop for awhile?

I mean really trust that your business is going to be taken care of, your responsibilities have been lifted, so you can relax, for a week?

As multi-tasking and giving women who create and care for others for a living, we rarely stop. 

The full-time mums (and dads) in our community too, never stop, especially those who are also running their own business (and I say running, because it's never a walk is it?!). 

We give, give, give to others, yet we don't make time anymore to give to ourselves, without guilt. 

You know what I mean by guilt right?! 

Guilt, when you let go...

Guilt at "I shouldn't really do this because I haven't done..."

Guilt at "but if I take this time to do this...that might happen..."

Guilt at "if I stop, that won't get done..."....

Well tell that guilt-creep to "fuck off"!

I don't always swear but when it comes to guilt getting in the way of you having time to relax, or enjoying that time when you do? Then it calls for a "fuck-off", because that little "guilt-whisperer" is a pleasure-spoiler. 

That limiting belief that tells you you can't stop, can't pause, can't relax because you've got stuff to do? It's not loving and it's not telling the truth. It's designed to push you, not nourish you.

When was the last time you felt nourished by your guilt? Never! 

When was the last time you let yourself relax, and were present in that relaxation? Rarely. 

Take last Sunday for example. It was my 37th birthday. I'd booked a deep-tissue massage at Neal's Yard Remedies to relax. It wasn't quite the luxury of a Hammam spa, but it was near enough. 

The guy laughed, "have you been wearing your shoulders like earrings?!" when he tried to remove the knots from my shoulders from the laptop-overuse. 

I had to really struggle to get present that hour and RELAX...because I knew that I still had things to do, afterwards, even on my birthday, because sometimes, even when you plan well, things take longer than you imagine and you DO have responsibilities to juggle, regardless of what day it is.

When I let go and let someone take care of me, and he released the responsibility from my shoulders, quite literally, I cried, because it felt good to be fully supported, held and physically healed.

I shushed and ninja'd any guilt away that popped into my head saying "you've still gotta do....", because it was paramount that I could rest my mind and body, even if it was for that hour. 

If we don't learn to relax without guilt regularly, then how can we have the energy to enjoy our lives, and support our clients with a relaxed, loving energy too? 

I know I'm going to book in for a massage more regularly, and am definitely going to be having a Hammam next time I'm in Marrakech. 

We've even added a half-day spa session into our Relax, Reconnect & Reawaken Your Wild retreat, as I've heard the Hammams there are the equivalent of "a girl's night out"! I think those Moroccan ladies have the right idea...

Here are 5 coaching questions to aid and encourage relaxation this week:

1. How would you like to relax this week? 
2. What gets in the way of you relaxing, and what could you do to prevent that?
3. Who do you have to tell, that you need this time, for you?
4. How will you feel when you DO spend time relaxing?
5. What changes in your life or business when you feel like that?

Love, Marie x

Marie Milligan

I'm the Founder of Wild Women Do, a coaching network and movement for creative, entrepreneurial women needing support to create and launch something inspirational. A Holistic Business Coach, Entrepreneurship Educator and Writer, I love nothing better than helping you release your creative spirit, and get your ideas expressed and done.