When I was a young child, about 4 or 5 in this photo, I was wild, creative, curious, playful, determined, fearless, stubborn, adventurous, naughty, smart, and loving.
I hadn’t yet taken in influence into my belief system about my sense of self or my worth. It wasn’t until a few years later, that my outward persona started to change: I seemed serious, solemn, quiet, hard-working, sensible, rebellious, resistant, cautious, anxious and often, afraid.
As I passed into my teens, I was called stuck-up, or selfish, because others mistook my withdrawn or resistant self as judging or self-centred. If only they’d known the secrets I was hiding, they’d have understood that I was still that fun-loving, wild and playful girl, but she was now more focused on protecting herself from further trauma, hurt or shame.
I poured my feelings into my academic studies, reading voraciously and obsessing over my multi-instrumental music practice. It seemed I found a natural talent for all things creative, literature-based, historical and analytical, and did very well at school despite the traumas (it's amazing the power of getting lost in creativity or the arts of others when you want to hide from the truth of real life).
However, no matter the high results, I didn't believe in myself anymore and sometimes what other people close to me perceived as encouragement, served to only add to this limiting belief. “You only got 98%; what happened to the 2%?” I was once told. No wonder my perfectionist persona developed where I pushed myself daily to do well and be approved of.
Only years later, after training as a Coach, experiencing CBT therapy, and working with many clients with similar patterns, did I understand about our personas and the characters we play that represents a value we stand for or an intrinsic need.
Throughout all of those times, my Wild Child was still there, still craving to be wild, free, adventurous, creative, playful and fun, but I simultaneously needed to feel safe, protected, secure and loved in order for that to happen. But, I didn't know how to give that to myself or to ask it of others in a calm way, that didn't lead to further misunderstanding or conflict.
I later learned at the age of 39 this year, that I also needed to know how to give those values to myself back then, so that I had the ability to ‘self-soothe’ and not rely on others to make me feel good or safe.
I've learned to understand that those that love us and try to protect us now or in our past are also working with their own psychology and physiology based on their own beliefs and needs and how they like to give you love and try to protect you, is not always a match for what you need.
Being able to have a 'non-violent communication' or conversation with someone about what you want or need or what you'd like to change can be life-changing.
What a difference that insight would have made back then. At least, it's making a difference to my life and relationships now, and to those clients I work with.
Now, as an adult woman, I work 1-1 with my coaching clients on helping other women understand their version of a Wild Woman and how does that connect with their Wild Child self?
We look at the personas they play that they love or loathe and what values or needs do they have. We explore what influential voices or experiences started to form their limiting beliefs that later in life are in the way of their creative passions and their business success.
When we start to reveal our characters and get to know them well, it is easier to rewrite our mind’s story of who we are now and then.
We are able to then rewrite our life and business script that finally gives us the permission to be our self (all parts), to love our selves, and to live and work in a way that feels true and fulfilling for us.
If you are in any way feeling lost or questioning who you are and what you’re capable of, cast your mind back to who you were as a child before influence set in. Reconnect with your ‘wild child’ (who was free to a point). She has a lot of clues to guide you back in alignment with your creative 'Wild Woman' self.
If this post resonates with you, please feel free to comment below, share with a friend who might want to read it to, or email me if you wish. I’d love to hear your story and support you if you have a desire or need. You might also like to read my post on How to Find Your Wild Side..
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